Kung Fu Bear

Via Haha.nu with the full post.

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Heart Transplants, Cigars and Jack Reacher

I was smoking a cigar on my balcony while reading the latest Lee Child Reacher book, both guilty pleasures. Neighbors are starting to arrive home. This guy, presumably a neighbor, gets out of a full sized white Ford pickup with a sticker on the tailgate that says, “John 3:16.” I don’t think much about it.

Minutes later, the same guy walks outside, taking out the trash. He spots me on the balcony and stares at me. I, in a reasonably friendly voice, say, “How’s it going?” – mainly to let him know that I’m not on display and if he wants to stare at me, he needs to know I’ll engage him in conversation. Nothing malicious, but I, like most people, don’t like being stared at.

He inquires, “Enjoying a fine cigar?”

I say, “Cuesta del Ray, not bad…”

He says, “I used to love smoking cigars, but I had to give them up because I’m waiting for a heart transplant.”

He looks to be about in his 30s. Not fat, not thin. Seems pretty affable. Got a bigger smile on his face than I do when I take out the trash.

I say, “Seems to be a good enough reason to give up smoking I guess.”

He says, “The doctors asked me, when I was signing up for the transplant, ’do you smoke?’ I said, no – and that’s when I quit cigars. When I get the transplant though, I’m going to start again.” With a kind of insider ‘wink and a nod’ he says, “Make sure you don’t tell anyone.”

I say, “Your secret is safe with me. – Hope that works out for you.”

This conversation all took place, as described, in about 30 seconds or less.

Today I witnessed and accident on the way to work and, if not for anti-lock brakes on my car, would have been the victim of an accident on the way home when a bus cut off about three cars – one of which decided to find immediate refuge in my lane.

This was sandwiched by a day at work that I could only describe as bizarre.

Some days you can’t wait to wake up, other days you can’t wait to go to bed.  I don’t know what to do with today, except for believe that days like this don’t happen very often.

Aerial Shots of California State Prisons

This is about as close as you want to get to these facilities. This post contains aerial pictures of some of California’s State Prisons.

Super max facility Pelican Bay.

The famous San Quentin.

The more famous Folsom Prison. Can you see the grey stone chapel?

Avenal State Prison. Reminds one of the movie Holes.

The Men’s Colony. Sounds like a resort. It’s not.

Centinella State Prison. Looks like a NASCAR track. It’s not.

Central California Women’s Facility.

Chuckawalla Valley State Prison.

Corcoran State Prison.

Epic Drinking Stories

Admiral Edward Russell, 1st Earl of Orford, 1653–1727 by Thomas Gibson, painted c. 1715

MentalFloss.com with “Drinking Stories that put yours to shame.

On Admiral Edward Russell…

The record for history’s largest cocktail belongs to British Lord Admiral Edward Russell. In 1694, he threw an officer’s party that employed a garden’s fountain as the punch bowl.

The concoction? A mixture that included 250 gallons of brandy, 125 gallons of Malaga wine, 1,400 pounds of sugar, 2,500 lemons, 20 gallons of lime juice, and 5 pounds of nutmeg.

Beer Sling, Because It’s a War Out There

Officially known as the Beerdoiler (hyperlink accurate but deadends). Via LikeCool.com.

Brandon McConnell the Spray Painter

Caught this on HaHa.nu.

Sookie or Snookie

In this game. You must guess who is attributed to the quote. Snookie from Jersey Shore, or Sookie, the character from HBO’s True Blood. Yes, judging by the high quality photoshop job, you probably guessed this isn’t going to be one of them fancy flash games.

Here we go…

1. My life’s inside out. With all that’s happened I’m not sure about anything. I don’t even know if I’m human!

2. He’s a really good guy. That’s the kind of guy I need in my life. I think his name is Ron.

3. Maybe I am some kind of freak. I’ve only met one other person in the world like me and who even knows where he is?

4. Every time I think I know what’s what, it turns out…I don’t know anything.

5. I just fought 2 bitches that I don’t even care about for my roommate that’s a frickin’ retard for bringing them back.

6. Don’t lose your s**t. I’m fine. Did Sam tell you he saved my life?

7. I’m not pissed off that they put pickles under my bed as a joke, but I’m pissed off that Mike and Pauly wasted two pickles.

8. What if I don’t need to be protected? What if wanting to be protected makes me feel like the helpless little girl I used to be all over again?

9. Where are the juice-heads? I don’t see any f*cking guido juice-head, you woke me up for nothing.

10. He cannot check me out like a library book!

11. You look at me you think I’m like a stuck-up b*tch, but yet, like, veterinarian, like that’s my soul, like I f*ckin’ like, save animals, like that’s what I do.

12. It felt like… It felt like every single care or worry or saddness I’ve ever had was just flowin’ out of me and into him. And, yeah it hurt at first. But when I relaxed, it didn’t hurt at all.

13. He’s perfectly nice, he’s got a good job, and he’s not a vampire! And why, why do I have to justify this to you?

14. I feel like a cooking turkey.

15.I look over and I see like hair being pulled & all this sh*t, I’m like oh my god, how do I get in?

Some may have been easier than the others. Here’s the obligatory answer key: 1. Sookie 2. Snookie 3. Sookie 4. Sookie 5. Snookie 6. Sookie 7. Snookie 8. Sookie 9. Snookie 10. Sookie 11. Snookie 12. Sookie 13. Sookie 14. Snookie 15. Snookie